JimmyD's effort to solve his high gasoline bills

After much soul searching I have decided that due to the extreme prices that are being charged for fuel, I will have to give up my truck and seek an alternative form of transportation. I have considered all manner of wheeled and variously powered vehicles, and since I live on a very large lot (3 acres) and am a relatively short distance from my work, I going to go 100% natural. I am going to purchase a beast to ride. I considered horses but they require far more land to graze and a tremendous amount of care, so they were out. I then considered mules, tougher than a horse, but still too large an animal to graze on my property, so mules too were out. I thought about various breeds of ponies but they are not strong enough to carry me and are just as demanding as horses when it comes to stabling. I have decided to purchase an ass.

Asses are extremely strong, hardy and require very little care. As you well know, every one appreciates a great ass. When I go to work, I will take my ass there. If my boss wants to, he can ride my ass all day when I am working. When I get home, my wife will be welcome to ride my ass as well. I will have to make sure that too many people don’t try to get on my ass at one time though; I would hate to wear my ass out. I thought I would get a racing ass, but a drag ass can be a bother. Some asses are bred for intelligence, but I never liked a smart ass, the ones that fail in this special breeding program are very reasonably priced but who want to deal with a dumb ass every day, certainly not me. When I get my ass, I will proudly show my ass to everyone I meet. I am sure that many people will like my ass so much and think that my ass is so sweet that they may even kiss my ass. I will feel great about my very small carbon footprint; after all, there will be no smoke up my ass. Asses are very nimble so I am sure I will never get my ass stuck. I would not have to worry about getting car-jacked, who would jack my ass? Even if they tried, I will be sure to train my ass to defend itself, so it would be a kick ass. I would make sure that my ass had I.D. tags so people would definitely know whose ass they were looking at, and I won’t have to worry about losing my ass. I am afraid that I could love to my ass too much, I am sure that it would leave a hole in my life when it died. The only things I am told, you can do when you find your ass has passed away is you light a fire under your dead ass, cook it, and divide it into two pieces. One half you have to send to the IRS; everyone knows that the people at the IRS love to eat ass. The other half you have to keep for special occasions, like when your mother in law comes over and she just has to take a bite out of your old ass, or when your really desperate and you willing to settle for a little piece of dead old ass.

I hope I didn’t bore you.


They call me,
JimmyD